| Secrets of navigating the blog: click the date. You go back in time. Impossible you say? Hah! Nothing is impossible here in the land of electrons and self published diatribe! Want to come forward again? Well, sorry, I've designed no such provision. Why not erase the URL to the right of ~mmairs and begin again? I take a lot for granted. I've been doing this since before there was a this, after all. |
Alrighty then, time to shut this farce down. Not just the blog, the entire site
needs redoing. But, yes, specifically the blog. E has observed that I do tell
the truth, but that I do not tell the whole truth. Credit goes to her. For
more anger and sadness than I have admitted here as well. Anything that can be
interpreted as directed at S should really not be. Well, facts are facts, but
studying the emotions is revelatory. I embrace my sadness and anger. I admit
the cause and I now direct it at myself, where it can do some good.
The blog started as an exercise in forcing myself to write. It has succeeded. I don't need it anymore and the public telling of incomplete truths may cause pain where it shouldn't. I fucked up. I fuck up. I will fuck up. That is a whole truth. Not the whole, of course. How the hell would I know that? No force of nature I, mere man. Perhaps afflicted of a small possession but we all know that's voluntary. Prozac or Zoloft would be fine options, psychopharmacology is very advanced these days; odds are I could even still write. Seen it first hand. Not so bad. Might be better than feeling this hard. On the other hand I'm still young, the meat can handle a little more abuse I think. If you know who I am you might know what I'm talking about. But I don't need to make it any clearer. Even clarity is not so clear, methinks. Legitimate criticisms I have, but it's going to take some time to frame them adequately. There will still be room for misinterpretation of course, such is the nature of discourse, but I, at least, will be satisfied. So thanks for calling E. I will return the favor momentarily as I do need a little more NH. And thanks for calling L, your perspective is very valuable. Yes, I love C, and obviously she loves me very much. I can't imagine her as my primary but what did I say about facts? Of course I love the whole little rogue's gallery of my heartbreaks, but who'll put up with what I choose to be? There's clarity. I explored this problem of my experience in last night's journal. Who did what when and why I have to document it or lose it. No, you won't read it here. I have more reasons than sparing the feelings of the innocent. Well, no one is innocent but I do have more reasons. I write well enough that I should be paid for it. I have never received the recognition I deserved here. Too many voices are shouting in this darkness. There is a novel's worth of material in the blog alone. I will be withdrawing the fiction, essays and poetry as well. I suggest you archive what you like. Or learn to use the Internet Archive. When I return from NH this ends. << ? LIBloggers # >> This site is a member of WebRing.
|