Everything I have done has been a success. Why such misery and pain then, you ask? I need misery. I revel in pain. I'm never happier than when I'm tortured. It makes me feel alive. Of course, at the moment I'm paying a bigger price for all this success. My life has much emptiness and loneliness right now. Revel on!

Dog gone, walk myself. Friends marginal, women in absentia, time to make some noise. I have made some freakin' noise my friends. Too bad I'm bored of MP3ing. Who listens? Why should I care? Ego. Stupid ego. If it's really worthwhile then it really doesn't matter. And it's a helluva noise. Joyfull? Unto god? Stranger things have happened.

Enjoyed some atheistic essays last week. Smart stuff. Entirely right but fundamentally wrong. Who cares? O, excuse me, my apathy's showing again.

I care. I was tired of holding Carmella through the seizures. She had started crying during them. The success of the steroids positively indicated that it was a tumor. I made a decision. I can't regret it, even if I do.

I have enough woman. None and a few.

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