I like my building. I don't like my tenants, I'm not sure if I like K. I certainly get the feeling that she doesn't like me. I don't think I'll spend easter there. And I'm not sure if I even want to keep it. It could be my retirement, it could be my money pit. I'm a speculator, it's quite a speculation. But working with her is a great exercise, to take her dislike and not return it. If that's possible. Might be a reason to bail, although there are certainly others who could manage it. I'm giving a pretty sweet deal, I think. Perhaps too sweet. Maybe I should not be giving the work to my ex-fiancee. But then if we're going to approach it from that angle, maybe I shouldn't have bought it, maybe I shouldn't have moved to New York, maybe I shouldn't have gotten into this industry. I live, I err.

I made my first profitable options play last week. So I just bought an extreme in the money put, if that makes money it bodes ill for the Nasdaq. But that's my assumption of course. And it is the only way I can learn. If I must speculate this is how to learn. I'm no stock expert but I'm on the curve there now. And the the leverage of options is spectacular. This one is so wild I'm the only one holding it. Of course that made it cheap too. Cheaper than I said I would ever bother to pay for anything again. But since I cut off the profits of my last one so fast, took my profits when they were so relatively low, perhaps I am punishing myself? Or trying for redemption? Regardless, the price of my second was paid for by the profits of my first.

On the train again, on the train again. I keep saying I'm not going back down there. But there is the building, there is the money, I do enjoy listening to K if not conversing with her. I can talk to M a little but it's rather pointless. I can agree or disagree but she cannot understand. I'm not liberal or conservative either, but less because I am a blend (I guess I am) than that I think the terms have been stripped of their meanings. How do you tell an academe that all discourse is meaningless unless they are willing to start by redefining all terms from quanta? How can we continue to build on the works of great thinkers if we have to go back to such a state? Unfortunately I do not believe there is any alternative since so much abuse of terms has run rife for so many years. Language does have to grow and change, it is not unreasonable to acknowledge some development, but the end result of that process when combined with today's radicalization and definition via opposition, is a language that is good for little more than argument or manipulation. So I don't much feel like using it. How am I supposed to explain that? Why should I?

03202004