It's hard to talk without blowing my own horn. Yet I have destroyed myself again. It hurts it hurts it hurts, I love I love I love. Haven't read that before? Well, I did write it, I'm sure it's around here somewhere. So what, the tragicomic fool strikes himself again. Would it were that simple. Some things are not meant to be. I am not meant to be a nice guy. I really am not given a chance, not by myself, not by you, not by this trapestravestragedy of a world. Where do I begin?
I love her. Her parents hate me. My parents love her. Perhaps my parents disapproval is some sort of a litmus test? No, it's worse than that. My emotional inadequacies drive her to polyamory. Or so she says sometimes. Sometimes she says that it's just her nature. Well, that is slightly less painful, but I can't marry it anyway. Fear of loneliness does not constitute grounds for a relationship. I am sad and lonely. Neither does lust. No comment, but rest assured I do. I have been here before. I don't need to be reincarnated to relive my mistakes. All prayers that I do not have to be to outgrow and thereby solve them.
Many do not believe in my sacrifice. My will to suffer to lessen others.
-You're no christ, said JJ. No, I've no desire to be a zombie nor to lead
my followers to canabalism. If I had followers. As if. Charisma, actually, I
do not lack. But I've as much Groucho as Karl if yaknowudImean. I can't help
it. I laugh at my own foibles, I have to laugh at yours too. Though it kill
me. Again.