What a freakin’ day. Bit of a fight with L. I am not qualified to be emotional support. Agony in my portfolio. Doubts about buying property. Legato stress, STK nightmare. Good lunch tho, Thai.
By writing this now I hope to avoid writing it later, freeing time to reconstruct the weekend and possibly Arizona. I should write it as I live it. Self-flagellation, woo hoo and yee haw.
I will rise tomorrow. I will execute a software build. I will assist with Legato as possible.
I had cereal for breakfast. The cereal that L. bought me with my own money. She’s a good friend. And great lover. But should I get married when I have so much to still to acheive for myself? Should she marry me given my emotional inadequcies and her needs? Who knows. Frozen in time, this instant, we will see how it works out when it works out. Until then, struggle on. The struggle is the work, and verse vica. It was a good day. I’ll have a sandwich and some chips now and go to bed early. Buy some cat food first, yes. Is this earth-shattering? My earth is shattered. Was some time ago. Now I dance in the pieces. I wouldn’t have believed it, had you told me as a young man that I was going to live in New York, to work at the hospital. Life’s path is stochastic, if I may say so.
Speaking of which, I haven’t really leveled with you about money. The grand you, my imagined audience. All one of you. Money. Hateful bane, dearly sought glory. I know a bit more about it than I did. Than I should, perhaps. I’ve always been good at spending it. I am getting better at earning it. And soon I hope to learn to make it. My socialist heritage is fading. I will have to publish what I’ve learned about this too. Both money and why I fear it less. I should fear it more. It is dragging me down, hurting my relationships, warping my psyche. Then again, that’s nothing new. I look forward to having more. I look forward to being able to give good advice as regards it.
Write every day, I must. The financial guys I’m reading do it. The fun guys too, probably. To generate a novel a year one must write most every day. I don’t need discipline so much as I need to make it a habit.