Wackedy wack blog

Shoe Prime - *thump* JA, I believe you are mistaken. My conscience continues to bother me, I'm not sleeping terribly well and I'm unable to concentrate on my studies at the requisite level. Therefore I am proceeding according to my ethical axioms and whatever pain or destruction they wreak is not inappropriate to our actions. Canvassing the rest of my current circle leads me to the same conclusion. Telling the truth is the right thing to do, in this case without qualification. If JR responds that he has read this and understands it ends here, with this post. If not I now have him on IM and will finish it the 27th of April. Thanks DXX, thanks JM and thank you too JA. There is no culpability for being incorrect. Your argument is very nearly sound but consider the consequences of my inaction if and when she repeats this behavior. There is nothing in my life that is none of my business.

H and I were exceedingly intimate. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. She was fully aware that I have been called a sadistic rapist (an accusation which, while not precisely true, does reflect on some of my skills and abilities; want the detials? Buy my book...). It was in fact, evidently, a major source of her attraction to me. Because little else about me turned out to be. Trying to construct any sort of a healthy relationship around that was, evidently, impossible. While we certainly had other common interests, music and teaching for example, they were not, apparently adequate. This led to a toxic level of friction as she continued to insist I keep our activities secret from JR. Because she had no interest in me as a person I had no leverage with which to negotiate her being honest about herself. Her firm return to Abrahamism has sealed it and we have parted on, what I feel safe to say, are not good terms. But that is all largely irrelevant. What matters is that we had, I also feel safe to say, a very good time, and how it wound up poisonous was primarily a result of dishonesty. I am through being dishonest. I have been gifted with this life of incomparable suffering to elucidate to me, careful point by careful point, the correct way to behave. As have we all. How dare you cop out?

I am convinced to a degree of certainty that requires I scream into the darkness here for all to hear, that we are each responsible for our own behavior. Psycholinguistic programming and cultural limitations do circumscribe us but they do not relieve us of choice. Whether that choice is an illusion since every quark, including those making up our minds, was likely inevitable in its disposition since the big bang is also not pertinent. What is is that we have this illusion at least, and we therefore must do what we believe is right. I am not using the word in a moral, nor even directional sense. To do what is right one must think long and hard about what is correct. However uncomfortable it makes us, however much our relations with other human beings fill us with the desire to lie, we must not. We may starve, we may be murdered, we may be lonely. But if all the world is doing wrong, still I alone will do right. The odds of Jebus, Cod, A La or your favorite spaghetti monster forgiving your transgressions against man are vanishingly small. So, to keep it simple, don't transgress. I was. I'm not anymore. Now I can get some rest.