God has never been anything but good, gracious and kind.  If you feel that your experience runs counter to this, perhaps you should re-evaluate your experience.  For every hardship that you have suffered, ask yourself 'what did I learn? What did I receive for this price?'  And if we manage to answer this question with utter honesty, I believe we will always see that we are truly better off and possessed of greater knowledge, wisdom and power after every event in our lives, no matter how awful it might seem at the time, until the one that kills us.  I very much litterally believe, and hope with all my heart you do too, that anything that doesn't kill us makes us stronger.  Because I think that is the entirety of god's design, it is the only evidence of its 'consciousness':  that life continues to struggle and grow and progress in the face of odds that make that struggle basically meaningless.  God will not outrun entropy, god contains entropy.
   And if you prefer to call god spirit, jehovah, tao, goddess or anything else meaningful to yourself, please do.  But you must see that you are that god, you are a part of your god and god is a part of you.  Love god and love yourself.  There is no viable alternative.  Literally.  No other life giving course of action.  Feel the love that is god that surrounds you, and give of yourself to increase that love.  Love every creature with all your heart, and feel their love in return.  Trust yourself to the compassionate hands of the universe.  You have no choice.

Another point of  view (warning, contains profanity)...
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